When I brought back a teddy from the nest of a flying beast and gave it to the train’s resident little girl, she thanked me and ran off to play with it. There are good moments, even if they are mostly buried in side quests and out-of-the-way places. Like previous Metros, this is a by-the-numbers action story starring a walking AK-47, only marginally better than a Call of Duty campaign. But only because I want to get its single big failing out of the way first. I didn’t even know you could get that on VHS. Your gang falls for obvious traps, characters get conspicuous coughs, and one of the major antagonists is a VHS copy of Mad Max: Fury Road sitting on a throne. The creators have asked that reviews do not spoil much, but you could spoil the story of this game yourself just by thinking aloud. Of course, Artyom is that type of strong, traditional Russian hero who only speaks via loading screen (you’ve read Tolstoy, right?) So he can’t say: “Let’s just go to the country and farm cabbages, pals.” He has to obey his superior officer (who is also his father-in-law) and go on stupid military excursions in cool new biomes. For reasons too stupid to explain, our favourite post-apocalyptic Spetznaz has alienated his old tunnel allies and escaped the underground aboard a flashy train, along with his sniper wife and a small team of fellow gun likers. But this time many of the levels will be grander jaunts on the surface of a Russia still breathing twenty years after the governments of the world overdid it on the nukes. Your character, Artyom, is going on another shooty-bang. Those who have tunneled through previous Metros know a little of what to expect.

This is still a heavily scripted adventure. I’m going to shoot it now, because, sorry mole, this world is not so open that it will accept your freakery. I point my torch at the heap of bodies, and it twitches again. The gizmo that charges your torch is still there. The button to wipe your gas mask is still there. I’ve been enjoying the small touches like this in 4A’s not-exactly-open-world shooter, this admirable attention to detail. In post-apocalyptic shooter Metro Exodus, when you walk through a web, there is a terrifying animation of a hand-sized muto-spider as it crawls across your arm, your gun, and your face. My god, what is it now? Mutant wolves? Crab freaks? Spiders? Please, not more spiders.

There’s a pile of bodies twitching under our flashlights.

Metro exodus review